It has recently come to my attention that people forget who is in charge of their feelings. In the past few weeks, I have been very busy and it has been awesome, but I keep hearing a message that bothers me, “so and so makes me feel…..” and the people saying it truly believe it to be true.
Don’t get me wrong, we are affected by others and I am not saying that we live in a vacuum and other people have no affect on us. What I am saying is that we need to be aware of how much influence other people have on our emotions and make sure that we have most of the control over how we feel, not that other people have control over how we feel.
If I take full responsibility for my emotional health, then I get to be in control over my emotions. I will still be influenced by interactions with other people, but I will ultimately be in control of how I feel. For example, someone comes in and says something is my fault or I made a mistake. At first, I may be taken aback and feel a bit guilty or angry, but if I take a moment and consider what is said, then I can 1) agree, 2) disagree, or 3) respond in a calm manner. But I will choose how I feel and how I respond, I will not let someone else’s bad mood cause me to have a bad mood. The point here is that for a few seconds, or even moments, I will be affected by what someone else says or does, but then I will regain control over my own emotions and responses and ultimately, I have control over myself.
When people are saying that their feelings are caused by someone else, they are also saying that they are controlled by whoever that is and that they have no control. I realize that isn’t what they think they are saying, but it is what they are saying. Two people can’t be in control at the same time. Think about that for a moment. Either I am in control of how I feel or someone else is in control, because control can only be held by 1 source at a time.
The next time you find yourself blaming someone else for how you are feeling, think about it. Can you change your feelings? Are you a prisoner of someone else controlling how you feel? I believe you always have the ability to control your own feelings and emotions, but we have to be aware and pay attention. As long as I, and you, have control of my emotions, then I know that I can change things whenever I want and that’s a pretty cool feeling!