Human beings are emotional beings with a capacity for logic. We can be quite logical at times, but when you ask people what they want most in life, it’s usually to be happy and to find a soulmate, or life long love. (personally, I think humans need to be emotionally balanced in order to enhance their ability for logic. Just saying.)
When we talk about love, this is an unending subject of debate. What is love? There was an earlier blog devoted to this topic. For our purposes today, I am going to focus on relationship love (partnerships). Often, I find that people are looking for that beginning of the relationship feeling (see image above) to last for 50 years. When the planes land, people say they “love the other person, but aren’t in love with them.” HUH!?! Oh, yeah, they aren’t getting the same feelings of being the only object of attention and then they start seeking those feelings again. So we leave one relationship, get into the next one, rinse and repeat. Those beginning of the relationship feelings aren’t designed to last forever. They are designed to get us together and then, hopefully, the relationship takes on an even deeper sense of love and commitment and this takes through life. (If those planes don’t land and refuel, they will crash! Even they aren’t in the air all the time.)
There is a reason that fairy-tales and romance novels end where they end. They never get into all the things that we have to work through in long term relationships. They end with happily ever after. Here’s the fun part – we can have happily ever after, but we have to commit to it, work at it and stick with it in order for that to happen.
I have heard it said that we live in a disposable world (there was even a commercial that posed this notion) and marriage is a victim of this disposable attitude. I would disagree with that notion because I see people wanting that lasting relationship and feeling of being a part of a good relationship far more than I see people just wanting to dump one for the next. Sometimes we just don’t know how to accomplish that feat!
Be realistic about what love is in a long term relationship. It will change over time. We will be more romantic sometimes and less romantic other times. Having children will redefine us and our relationships, just don’t forget to be a couple when you’re raising children. Love should grow deeper, not burn higher! Before deciding that your current relationship isn’t good, look at all of it and then decide if maybe the love is still there, it just looks different over time!