Here it is, June! The year almost half over and I have to wonder where the time goes so quickly. As we enter this month, I am going to ramble on relationship topics since we associate June with weddings in our society. Many people marry in the early summer, many other people get engaged during this time of year.
I am often asked as a counselor what makes a happy relationship. What is the secret? If I could answer that question in one paragraph, I would be rich and famous. The most direct answer I can give people, after 25+ years of counseling and mediation, it is the attitudes and expectations of the people in the relationship. We have to choose being happy. We have to take responsibility for our own happiness and allow our partner to do the same. We can’t MAKE each other feel anything. We can contribute to how others feel, but ultimately only they can choose their feelings.
There are perfect relationships. They are perfect for the people in them anyway. They may still have problems or disagreements. Everything doesn’t go just right. There are good times and bad times. But to those two people, this is the perfect relationship for them.
Part of the problem, in my humble opinion, is that we are all looking for perfect to be the same for everyone and it IS NOT! What may be perfect for me may be terrible for someone else. What you may love, I may be unable to tolerate. The hard part seems to be allowing each of us to determine what our own version of perfect is for us. Everyone is looking for someone else, or some entity, to tell them what is perfect for them instead of determining that for themselves. And no one knows what is perfect for us if we don’t!
So, what is a perfect relationship? It’s the one you enjoy being in, you’re willing to work at, even when it’s not pretty or easy, and the one you can’t imagine being without. That’s the perfect relationship, warts and all.